Be you

It’s funny how learning can come about. Structured. Serendipitous. Or very slowly over a long length of time. This includes all your learning about you - who you are and what you are good at.

"Sometimes”, as Miles Davis the American jazz musician said “it takes you a long time to sound like yourself".

And with that learning about you, your strengths, and what you can do, can come a deep, reassured confidence.

In my mid-thirties, already wise (not), I worked as a member of Sales Training team. I worked with an office based sales function which rapidly grew from two to five sales teams while I was there. This period of expansion meant a lot of recruitment and a lot of training. With the help of others, including the existing sales consultants, we ran role plays for which I would write the briefs for the – often nervous – trainees. At the end of each brief I would always write the two words: “Be you”.

It was intended to help relax them, so they would be better. Being you is such hard work.

Being you is easy, natural and is certainly playing to who you are.

Obviously there are times when circumstances in work - or life – require you to be a particular version of yourself. Maybe one that you find stretching or uncomfortable. But it’s still you.

Starting off by being you is a good starting point too. If you are naturally quiet, or impulsive or detailed, or caring or outcome focused, these are each wonderful traits. Trying to be something you are not all the time, in order to fit in or because someone has told you it’s what’s needed, is exhausting. In the long term it will likely not work or cause you some genuine distress, or bot 

Understanding and acceptance

Being you means having an understanding and acceptance of who you are, and, just as crucially, who you are not. And acknowledging these things. And being satisfied with or even celebrating who you are. It’s not a static position, but it is the ultimate solid base from which to act (act as in take action or act as in to perform). Acceptance is a good base to move forward from.

And we learn to be us. And we continue to learn. New days and new experiences, coupled with sufficient self-reflection, allow and enable to us to observe and conclude: “Ah, that was really interesting. When that happened I noticed I felt this... or That confirms or tells me that I am like that… or maybe I’m no longer quite as much like that as I thought.”

Who we are continues to change and evolve with our experiences. So being you changes too. Though the chances are that most of those fundamental things that you are - quiet, impulsive, detailed, caring, outcome focused etc. – will remain true for ever. Certain personality traits are a mix of nature and nurture, being part inherited and part as a result of environmental factors such as parenting, cultural values and life experiences.

Be aware of striving

I have worked with many people who have, in some way, been trying, or striving, to be something. Or, like Miles Davis, to sound like themselves.

Advice to the younger me would definitely include “be more confident in being you”. 

(Photo Unsplash @Ryoji Iwata)